Cartagena is a museum unto itself. The colonial homes, the surrounding walls, the bougainvillea that bathes the facades of old stone churches intermingle, seamlessly, to create the finest art around. The problems start once one seeks out the museums within the museum.

In a country that struggles with feeding the poor and providing adequate education to the youth, it is foolish to expect a MOMA or Getty to spring up in the center plaza. To those that need a Picasso or Renoir on their vacations, look elsewhere. But, museum curators, despite your limitations, a bit of ingenuity, please!

Gold Museum – By far the most visually attractive display of the lot. The first level of the museum displays gold artifacts while the top floor gives the history of this particular tribe (which I cannot recall the name of -- please use the comment section below to help me out here). The ____ were the indigenous people, who, aside from being brutally treated by the Spaniards (which is somewhat bypassed in the exhibit), were gifted in the art of gold filigree. A display of intricate gold fans makes even the most humble museumgoer dream of trading out the old Camery keys for those of the Bentley.

Naval Museum – If you like battle plans, fortress dioramas, and lackluster model ships, this museum is for you. Many a wife and girlfriend can be seen clinging to the shoulder of her partner, begging for a quickened pace. Again, a clear example of an institution with big plans and little funding. It seemed the water bottle sales from the adjoining Naval Café are the only thing keeping this place afloat.

Inquisition Museum – If the naval museum is meant for military history buffs, the inquisition museums was designed for the eight year old boy. The replicas of torture devices satiate every prepubescent man’s desire; The guillotine, the gallows, the machine which twists one’s head until it snaps, the contraption which slowly delivers spikes into one’s chest. An utterly unpleasant experience punctuated by the tweets of the pied pipers’ followers.

The Fortification Museum – Literally sinks to new depths. Upon entering the passageway on the ramparts, one takes a staircase down a chamber within the city wall. The few informational signs seem to have received little love from visitors over the years, and, surely out of spite, return the favor. Aside from the signs, the museum houses a display of “artifacts” discovered during the restoration. Front and center in the display: a pack of cigarettes dating from the 1950’s and an asthma inhaler.